hickory dickory doo

Its not simple. Nothings ever simple.

One thing is to feel alone in the world… but to feel alone within yourself, geez how do you fix that.

I hate feeling like a lost teenager… freakin cliche. i don’t want to be a cliche. i’m tired of pretending to be happy. FUCK i’m not. i’m not always miss hyper im not always miss crazy out of control.

i’m usually quiet, i like to be alone in the world and roam my world.

and right now.. my world is lost. where the fuck do i go?

usually feeling lost elsewhere would be ok as long as i had me. but now that i’m not here… having the issues in the world are unbearable.

i’m angry… and frustrated…. sad… hurt… confused… unhappy… fucking miserable.

and nothing anyone does seems to make any of it better.

...........

FUCK FUCK FUCK... these emotions all jumbled together suck. they aren't even about one scenario. each one is for a different reason/person/situation. closing my eyes doesn't help any of it. Explaining it to you doesn't make it go away. You seem to only make the situation worse. Only person who can help me.. cannot help me anymore. no longer in my top list i guess. can't trust my family... that will only fuck me over more. telling anyone else will only cause them to judge me. thats the last thing i need. another pair of eyes perceiving me to be someone i'm not. another pair of eyes... looking at me like i'm a fucking child... normal little human child trying to fit into this world. and well life... life isn't fair. its cruel so maybe i should stop complaining.. WELL FUCK YOU. i'm not like everyone else. i know i can help some shit out. but for me to explain to you my life would take an eternity. for me to tell you why i feel the way i do... hah only a true friend could bare. sadly i don't consider anyone that. i did myself. but now that i'm gone... geesh. what a catastrophe i am. a complete mess. a reck.

put a bullet to my head... i still wouldn't be able to help myself.

i need like some counceling or something. oh god scratch that... i'm not that insane yet. lol yet...

sure on my way though.

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