Sky's the limit.

Today, definitely see things improving! It is really coming along better than I had anticipated. =) This week was horrible; I hadn’t felt so bad in quite a while. I’m currently at work on hold with an insurance (which is taking forever; thus the blog). Work is still a bore, lame, and stressful, but I have got to just step right over that. I suppose squaring away my relationship and having that little bit of time of space made a big difference. And then going to dance, which was amazingly fun and exactly what I wanted… ugh I’m like in heaven.

Things are looking up and I’m very glad.

I get to see my best friend today, I know I said I didn’t want her to be but she just knows so much and just enough and always gives the right advice and always makes me laugh and turns my day around even if I was mad at her 2 seconds ago. Only person I can’t hold a grudge against. (ok somewhat but not as much as others). Anyhow she said I was going to pick her up from the train station and we were going to go eat dinner and then she was going to sleep over. Fun fun… let us hope she won’t bail on me. That would suck. That is that last thing I need, seriously. >=/

Lol but I’m highly doubtful, although she still has not texted me, considering she is coming today. but then again it is still somewhat early [9:52am]

Yes I’m still on hold by the way [22:27m/s] this is the daily work. Dumb denials!!

As far as the other count down I really wasn’t counting, I feel better about it. It really isn’t a struggle to me anymore. More time away has really relieved me of memories and feelings. I fill my head with her negative and remember why I’m so happy without her sometimes.

So I got my teeth checked out yesterday by my aunt, success I feel better. Although my mouth is sort of sensitive right now. Ouch. But it will get better and I will have an amazing smile! =)

Ahh… gotta go! =)

Ambeezy (ya’ll heard)

Space

Well at least we can both breathe now. I suppose...

It is definitely a different feeling not having someone to call when you are walking to your car, or driving home, or while your'e watching tv, or while you're laying down doing nothing. while cleaning, or writing a blog. Of course I miss her... but i suppose this is good for us. I'm glad we didn't end it and get all drastic, because this alone is already sort of killing me. I'm trying really hard not to pick up that phone. dial her number or send her a text. But i can't stop myself from thinking about her. how i want her to hold me and come at night (like she has everynight this week) hold me tight while i fall asleep. watch dexter and argue about how quinn is sooo not hot!! lol (which i dont think he is)

Sometimes it's a nice feeling to be alone... but i have just been so used to her voice soothing me at all hours of the day. the feel of her warm body during the night.

You know whats funny, it has only been a few hours since we haven't spoken... and look at me.
'HA HA' (inside joke)

The writing on my mirror only reminds of her mirror and the writing we both have there.

.....

well anywho, today I have dance, see one of my friends per say, invited me to join her and a couple of other people i somewhat know, to go dance in granada hills. its called danceaholics, i'm really nervous to go. i dont dance very well in my opinion, especially since ihavent really danced in a long time. but it is for fun, and also to relieve me of some stress. i wonder how it will go. I'm literally counting down the minutes until i go. Its the first time i'm going here so i think i should leave a little early to find the place.... good idea right. i mean not that its far or what not but what about parking. ok ok you caught me i'm just finding any excuse to leave early. lol

YUP, she's still in my head. oh man my mind is going from thought to thought, and i can't keep up. going from the time we first kissed (which was amazingly movie like) to the time i broke her heart, once, twice, thrice.... really makes me feel assholeish. i never stop thinking about those times. i dont forget. i do regret. guilt? its there. I try really hard not to show it, to move on. but i can't. i did actually move on from the rage of rage... and anything else she could have possibly said done thought. but i can't forget what i've done. less her. but i try to help her move on from it and let me duel on my mistakes.

this is crazy i don't ever have time to just write whats in my head. i always seem to just write when i'm upset, sad, displeased, angry, tormented, and any other darn synonym you would like to add on. i dont really get a chance to express my everyday life. i summarize the good stuff and i detail all the stuff that really ticks me off (pisses me off lol another insider)

i wish i could move out, i wish i could have my own place, i wish i could feel other than whatever it is i'm feeling now. its like i'm numb, like...sort of in peace but not really cuz now and then i feel homicidal. i guess this constant feeling is like having something on your chest, it isn't heavy but its heavy enough to where it leaves you breathless and everytime you take a deep breath feels like heaven. like you just need to breathe. i dont really wanna do anything, but then again i wanna do it all. the feeling is definitely annoying. i've cried so much already, to the point where i'm drained. tired. but all this thinking has also got me wired on anger and making impulsive decisions.

This is all too much for me and i suppose space is good. Even though it truly is killing me!!