Space

Well at least we can both breathe now. I suppose...

It is definitely a different feeling not having someone to call when you are walking to your car, or driving home, or while your'e watching tv, or while you're laying down doing nothing. while cleaning, or writing a blog. Of course I miss her... but i suppose this is good for us. I'm glad we didn't end it and get all drastic, because this alone is already sort of killing me. I'm trying really hard not to pick up that phone. dial her number or send her a text. But i can't stop myself from thinking about her. how i want her to hold me and come at night (like she has everynight this week) hold me tight while i fall asleep. watch dexter and argue about how quinn is sooo not hot!! lol (which i dont think he is)

Sometimes it's a nice feeling to be alone... but i have just been so used to her voice soothing me at all hours of the day. the feel of her warm body during the night.

You know whats funny, it has only been a few hours since we haven't spoken... and look at me.
'HA HA' (inside joke)

The writing on my mirror only reminds of her mirror and the writing we both have there.

.....

well anywho, today I have dance, see one of my friends per say, invited me to join her and a couple of other people i somewhat know, to go dance in granada hills. its called danceaholics, i'm really nervous to go. i dont dance very well in my opinion, especially since ihavent really danced in a long time. but it is for fun, and also to relieve me of some stress. i wonder how it will go. I'm literally counting down the minutes until i go. Its the first time i'm going here so i think i should leave a little early to find the place.... good idea right. i mean not that its far or what not but what about parking. ok ok you caught me i'm just finding any excuse to leave early. lol

YUP, she's still in my head. oh man my mind is going from thought to thought, and i can't keep up. going from the time we first kissed (which was amazingly movie like) to the time i broke her heart, once, twice, thrice.... really makes me feel assholeish. i never stop thinking about those times. i dont forget. i do regret. guilt? its there. I try really hard not to show it, to move on. but i can't. i did actually move on from the rage of rage... and anything else she could have possibly said done thought. but i can't forget what i've done. less her. but i try to help her move on from it and let me duel on my mistakes.

this is crazy i don't ever have time to just write whats in my head. i always seem to just write when i'm upset, sad, displeased, angry, tormented, and any other darn synonym you would like to add on. i dont really get a chance to express my everyday life. i summarize the good stuff and i detail all the stuff that really ticks me off (pisses me off lol another insider)

i wish i could move out, i wish i could have my own place, i wish i could feel other than whatever it is i'm feeling now. its like i'm numb, like...sort of in peace but not really cuz now and then i feel homicidal. i guess this constant feeling is like having something on your chest, it isn't heavy but its heavy enough to where it leaves you breathless and everytime you take a deep breath feels like heaven. like you just need to breathe. i dont really wanna do anything, but then again i wanna do it all. the feeling is definitely annoying. i've cried so much already, to the point where i'm drained. tired. but all this thinking has also got me wired on anger and making impulsive decisions.

This is all too much for me and i suppose space is good. Even though it truly is killing me!!