All these numbers i see get me dizzy, but by doing this now life will be so much simpler in the later on. And not only am i talking about work, the moving out process. I have been calculating everything! From rent, to utilities, to first grocery list; from furniture to gas expenses, to phone and internet services. I really do have everything planned, these plans have been changed and moved and fixed over and over again because i like to use scenarios in which i get a ticket or i got sick couldn't work no pay or taking a vacation. I mean i can't plan for everything but i can sure try. And boy have I.
Well since we are talking numbers here, work!!! It has its ups and downs. Possibly the quota I have to meet everyday plays a big part, and the fact that i'm still learning a lot. I mean they gave me nothing to work with, no info, nothing. I started with the knowledge i learned from my last job which was, how to read an eob. I was told to clean bubbles, work accounts, do claim status, and adjust balances. Ok! i didn't know what "cleaning bubbles" meant. How exactly did i "work" the accounts what did that even mean. Claim status? hmm i know what status is... claim not so much.. but how do i go about that? I knew how to adjust balances but i didn't know when to. I had no worksheets that told me any information on the company, i later found out that i needed a heck of a lot of information just to get into the phone line to speak to a representative. I'm glad i know how to do all of that now! =) yay
well i just wanted to write a bit about work... i'm running late for an errand.. byeeee
EZ
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Unintentional
I didn't mean for things to turn out this way. You have made it seem as i am the bad guy, the one to accuse. Such things as these, start confrontations, start fights, end friendships. Thanks, and i say that as sarcastically as possible. Not that the friendship was oh so dearly close, but at least they weren't enemies, but now... i think we are. But then again, Why keep friends who act in such a way.. i'm better of not knowing them. Makes life a hell of a lot easier.
The world doesn't get easier...ever. Life on this planet is just the same. But hell, we have to make the best of it somehow. This is the only life we ever get... unless you have all these theories about what happens after we die. Do what makes you happy, but be sure to expect the consequences. Like my best friend once stated, expect the worst but hope for the best. And those are some wise words i tell you.
To a dear friend I once lost but regained,
Don't listen to what others tell you, what does your heart want. And i'll tell you this, if you feel that what others are telling you is wrong... then it is a lie. Don't take the easy way out of this, that easy way will always be there in the future. Don't you EVER regret, ever. And not doing something your whole heart desires, is going to cause regret. You are very talented, extremely. You have a way with words, with your hands, with your mind. I know THAT somebody who would support you and who loves you for you, for what you have done, for what you intend to do... Don't feel alone, ever. But a word of caution, don't give your 99%, you fight hard and long to reach that 100% ok? You can make it anywhere as long as you never give up. Everything is possible.
I love how i can give somebody words like that, and really believe that THEY can do it. because i've seen what they can do. But i can never tell myself that.. i wouldn't be able to say i can. Even if somebody else were to tell me i'd smile and say thank you, but never believe them. I hope nobody thinks like me, because they truly have.. amazing talent.
I'll go live now
EZ
The world doesn't get easier...ever. Life on this planet is just the same. But hell, we have to make the best of it somehow. This is the only life we ever get... unless you have all these theories about what happens after we die. Do what makes you happy, but be sure to expect the consequences. Like my best friend once stated, expect the worst but hope for the best. And those are some wise words i tell you.
To a dear friend I once lost but regained,
Don't listen to what others tell you, what does your heart want. And i'll tell you this, if you feel that what others are telling you is wrong... then it is a lie. Don't take the easy way out of this, that easy way will always be there in the future. Don't you EVER regret, ever. And not doing something your whole heart desires, is going to cause regret. You are very talented, extremely. You have a way with words, with your hands, with your mind. I know THAT somebody who would support you and who loves you for you, for what you have done, for what you intend to do... Don't feel alone, ever. But a word of caution, don't give your 99%, you fight hard and long to reach that 100% ok? You can make it anywhere as long as you never give up. Everything is possible.
I love how i can give somebody words like that, and really believe that THEY can do it. because i've seen what they can do. But i can never tell myself that.. i wouldn't be able to say i can. Even if somebody else were to tell me i'd smile and say thank you, but never believe them. I hope nobody thinks like me, because they truly have.. amazing talent.
I'll go live now
EZ
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Almost Cynical of Me
I have been deprived of freedom many times in my life and I have hated it. Luckily my life can start on a new note, it's called freedom. yes people, life will begin at a new scent, rate, another picture, view, everything. I am moving out. (6-13 months in counting)
Well right now i'm just sitting in my room on my couch, debating on what to write. First of all [i have to say it] it has been a while since i have written here. I had been wanting to for so long, but it just wasn't working out for me (the website, that is). I was in isolation from blogspot, but i did have tumblr as my savior, but then again it never really is the same. I miss this... expressing myself. I don't do such a great job though, but then again there never really is a wrong way. teehee, now off into an adventure of my feelings shall we? okay.
I'm in love, whatever that means. As far as I know, i am... and that makes me happy because i'm happy. I don't feel as i need anything, or anybody else to do so. I love myself as well, and that is the hardest love to find. I am in love with myself and i'm in love with her... an immense feeling i tell you. yeah, i still think about others from time to time, it is very difficult to forget or even to stop loving and especially to stop caring. but i know who i want to be with... and i'm not tired of her, not one bit. It amazes me sometimes, how this one person can be absolutely perfect (in my eyes).
I'm mixed on what i feel at this moment. I don't know what I want to do. I'm bored and overwhelmed and tired and stressed and anxious. I feel like i could be doing so much more right now, but i'm giving it my all i swear i am. There isn't much more i can give... but there is so much i can do. I make my goals, and i rarely reach them... that is probably why i feel like i'm not achieving anything. I don't listen to myself and that is a shame. If i can't help myself, who can. I don't want to be dependent on others to help me. I always want to be a self determined person, taking that extra step, yet... i'm always so darn average. i always have been just average. oh she is cute. oh she's a good dancer. oh she sings ok. oh she's at the bare minimum line. I really need to step up every game that i know. Go beyond what i'm comfortable, or else i will never achieve what i want, and what i know i can achieve.
oh man just look at me talking about goals and achievements. ay ok i will stop. lol
well IPC:The Hospitalist Company, is so far treating me well. Great pay, Great hours, Great people, Great benefits, A great learning opportunity. This venture was probably the best i could have chosen. Glad to say I have a stable job, where i think i can stay for a long while and move up within the company, and maybe one day use my knowledge to become a lead or supervisor, or even in a new company.
I'm about to go crazy right now, talk to me.
EZ
Well right now i'm just sitting in my room on my couch, debating on what to write. First of all [i have to say it] it has been a while since i have written here. I had been wanting to for so long, but it just wasn't working out for me (the website, that is). I was in isolation from blogspot, but i did have tumblr as my savior, but then again it never really is the same. I miss this... expressing myself. I don't do such a great job though, but then again there never really is a wrong way. teehee, now off into an adventure of my feelings shall we? okay.
I'm in love, whatever that means. As far as I know, i am... and that makes me happy because i'm happy. I don't feel as i need anything, or anybody else to do so. I love myself as well, and that is the hardest love to find. I am in love with myself and i'm in love with her... an immense feeling i tell you. yeah, i still think about others from time to time, it is very difficult to forget or even to stop loving and especially to stop caring. but i know who i want to be with... and i'm not tired of her, not one bit. It amazes me sometimes, how this one person can be absolutely perfect (in my eyes).
I'm mixed on what i feel at this moment. I don't know what I want to do. I'm bored and overwhelmed and tired and stressed and anxious. I feel like i could be doing so much more right now, but i'm giving it my all i swear i am. There isn't much more i can give... but there is so much i can do. I make my goals, and i rarely reach them... that is probably why i feel like i'm not achieving anything. I don't listen to myself and that is a shame. If i can't help myself, who can. I don't want to be dependent on others to help me. I always want to be a self determined person, taking that extra step, yet... i'm always so darn average. i always have been just average. oh she is cute. oh she's a good dancer. oh she sings ok. oh she's at the bare minimum line. I really need to step up every game that i know. Go beyond what i'm comfortable, or else i will never achieve what i want, and what i know i can achieve.
oh man just look at me talking about goals and achievements. ay ok i will stop. lol
well IPC:The Hospitalist Company, is so far treating me well. Great pay, Great hours, Great people, Great benefits, A great learning opportunity. This venture was probably the best i could have chosen. Glad to say I have a stable job, where i think i can stay for a long while and move up within the company, and maybe one day use my knowledge to become a lead or supervisor, or even in a new company.
I'm about to go crazy right now, talk to me.
EZ
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Spring comes along...
You see, it is not that i don't want to write i just haven't.. and i apologize.
I am at a loss for words when it came to writing in here and i didn't exactly know what to say... and right now i believe i'm about to rant off into another dimension.
He left.
I stayed.
She came.
I smiled.
We haven't become..but there is hope.
I don't want to rush into anything like i always do, whether it is into jobs into relationships into friendships.. Even into a confinement of myself.
I'm tired of running because i've made a mistake... exclude home-- i need to get out of here. I want to confront whatever it is that has burdened me for so long.. but take it a step at a time. I don't want to make plans, because things never go according to plans... =( sad but true
My feelings? Well for the most part i'm happy. Of course there are so many things that have angered me and that will continue to but I don't really need anyone or anything. She talks to me now and that makes me really happy, and she's telling me the things i've always wanted to know. He left me, for immaturity, and that makes me happy cuz i don't want them both. She i will always love, but don't want a thing but to move on. too many years of suffering and laughs and arguments and drama... still to this day. I'm done. That girl... she will always be a part of me and always be my other half, but she must choose her priorities and catch her mistakes before i do. [multiple ppl i have spoken about bare with me] I want to escape my present life, into the one that approaches, much quicker than time can go. It certainly needs to be kicked into turbo or something.
I have so much going on it's difficult for me to sum it into a sentence... always is.
emotions continue to fluctuate... but i know for a fact that i am more in love with:
myself
my piano
dancing
singing =/
laughing-especially with you ooh [like williams ice cream funny]
and living
than i ever have been before... =)
Hope life can continue on a good journey-- oh 2010 u and ur surprises
EZ-goes
I am at a loss for words when it came to writing in here and i didn't exactly know what to say... and right now i believe i'm about to rant off into another dimension.
He left.
I stayed.
She came.
I smiled.
We haven't become..but there is hope.
I don't want to rush into anything like i always do, whether it is into jobs into relationships into friendships.. Even into a confinement of myself.
I'm tired of running because i've made a mistake... exclude home-- i need to get out of here. I want to confront whatever it is that has burdened me for so long.. but take it a step at a time. I don't want to make plans, because things never go according to plans... =( sad but true
My feelings? Well for the most part i'm happy. Of course there are so many things that have angered me and that will continue to but I don't really need anyone or anything. She talks to me now and that makes me really happy, and she's telling me the things i've always wanted to know. He left me, for immaturity, and that makes me happy cuz i don't want them both. She i will always love, but don't want a thing but to move on. too many years of suffering and laughs and arguments and drama... still to this day. I'm done. That girl... she will always be a part of me and always be my other half, but she must choose her priorities and catch her mistakes before i do. [multiple ppl i have spoken about bare with me] I want to escape my present life, into the one that approaches, much quicker than time can go. It certainly needs to be kicked into turbo or something.
I have so much going on it's difficult for me to sum it into a sentence... always is.
emotions continue to fluctuate... but i know for a fact that i am more in love with:
myself
my piano
dancing
singing =/
laughing-especially with you ooh [like williams ice cream funny]
and living
than i ever have been before... =)
Hope life can continue on a good journey-- oh 2010 u and ur surprises
EZ-goes
Monday, January 18, 2010
Neutral feeling
My anthem right about now.. "Did it again" by shakira
I don't wanna feel anger and i don't wanna feel sad. I understand by his part, yet i cannot stand it from my perspective. The only place i can meet this feeling is halfway..cliche. So i say now, i have been neutralized.
He hurt me, I let myself. I'm the only one to blame.
"did it again, love
i got it all wrong
but it felt so right
i can't believe it
and all the mistakes
that went on for too long
wish there was a way
i could delete it
...
When it comes to men it's known
That I end up choosing wrong
'Cause I always trip and fall
The same old rock and repeat and go back"
I have decided what i'll do, action is the next step..to follow through.
I don't have a wall.. i don't make good walls.
But i have a brain and i have experience and i have learned in one way or another.
I'm fine
EZ
I don't wanna feel anger and i don't wanna feel sad. I understand by his part, yet i cannot stand it from my perspective. The only place i can meet this feeling is halfway..cliche. So i say now, i have been neutralized.
He hurt me, I let myself. I'm the only one to blame.
"did it again, love
i got it all wrong
but it felt so right
i can't believe it
and all the mistakes
that went on for too long
wish there was a way
i could delete it
...
When it comes to men it's known
That I end up choosing wrong
'Cause I always trip and fall
The same old rock and repeat and go back"
I have decided what i'll do, action is the next step..to follow through.
I don't have a wall.. i don't make good walls.
But i have a brain and i have experience and i have learned in one way or another.
I'm fine
EZ
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Intelligence
...is to keep ur heart inside your head
keeps you from making stupid decisions
and your skull keeps it from getting hurt.
keeps you from making stupid decisions
and your skull keeps it from getting hurt.
Walls
I had been thinking about redoing them on account that i don't want to get hurt.
decided not to... mistake
They are in building mode.. thinking bout a skyscraper this time
EZ
decided not to... mistake
They are in building mode.. thinking bout a skyscraper this time
EZ
Saturday, January 9, 2010
So they argue and accuse
--&this is why i stay in my room. a place to think to escape. atleast from sight. If i close my eyes it'll get better(i've been promised) leave(i've been told) it's your fault(i've been accused) i'll live(i tell myself) =)
Miss my friend
miss the laughs
miss the inside jokes
miss lady gaga tributes
miss playing the piano
miss all the outings
... but if this is what she wants, so be it.
i'm sorry... i truly am. Although i don't take anything back. and for once a drink sounds nice...
miss the inside jokes
miss lady gaga tributes
miss playing the piano
miss all the outings
... but if this is what she wants, so be it.
i'm sorry... i truly am. Although i don't take anything back. and for once a drink sounds nice...
Thursday, January 7, 2010
It's like something new
As i thought it was...it was.
As it has been going...will continue.
I don't mind letting you go because that something was never there. Glad to be moving on and starting new although i lose more of people like u everyday.
But a good thing -> i keep the good ones
EZ-'10
As it has been going...will continue.
I don't mind letting you go because that something was never there. Glad to be moving on and starting new although i lose more of people like u everyday.
But a good thing -> i keep the good ones
EZ-'10
Sunday, January 3, 2010
---0-1-0-2/2-0-1-0---
Damn, so great! This is so fantastic-oh.
Leather and Jeans, Garage glamorous, not sure what that means..
but this photo of us it don't have a price
ready for those flashing lights
cuz you know that baby I...
i really like you.
I really didn't expect anything to go down, it went by so fast, too fast for me to grasp it. too fast for me to understand what was going on. but i'm movin on.
It feels so right, i feel so happy so.. ugh happy. I don't think I can even find another word to describe it at the moment.. i don't feel good i feel great.
a few minor details... sadness falls over on account to a few losses because of this gain. but it's ok... i will survive. i know i will.
Imprinting might sound funny.. but i think i just did. Hopefully this is what i think cuz that is what i feel. i could be done... dunzo hahaha
ok i don't make sense, i'll just write when i do.
KRIS P TREAT <3
EZ-maniac
Leather and Jeans, Garage glamorous, not sure what that means..
but this photo of us it don't have a price
ready for those flashing lights
cuz you know that baby I...
i really like you.
I really didn't expect anything to go down, it went by so fast, too fast for me to grasp it. too fast for me to understand what was going on. but i'm movin on.
It feels so right, i feel so happy so.. ugh happy. I don't think I can even find another word to describe it at the moment.. i don't feel good i feel great.
a few minor details... sadness falls over on account to a few losses because of this gain. but it's ok... i will survive. i know i will.
Imprinting might sound funny.. but i think i just did. Hopefully this is what i think cuz that is what i feel. i could be done... dunzo hahaha
ok i don't make sense, i'll just write when i do.
KRIS P TREAT <3
EZ-maniac
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